The early morning songbirds were chirping away before the pale, grey light of sunrise had even begun to filter through the windows of Giles' apartment. Buffy and Giles listened to them in silence, both of them wide awake after only a few hours' sleep. Giles lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, a rather shocked expression on his face. Buffy was curled up next to him, her head resting on his shoulder. Neither of them wanted to be the first to move.

For Buffy, it was maybe the weirdest thing ever. She had had sex with Giles. Giles, her Watcher. Her high school librarian. Giles, who used to wear a three-piece suit every day, no matter how hot it was. Giles, who stutters. Who gets excited over werewolves and grave robbing. Giles, who loves her more and better than anyone else in the world. It was the weirdest thing, but it didn’t feel that way at all. Lying next to him felt like where she was always supposed to be.

Giles had woken up happy and contented, with the sensation of a warm body lying next to him, her breathing in time with his own. But now the pleasant haze of sleep had left him, and so had the last remnants of euphoria. Buffy snuggled closer to him and sighed contentedly. She felt so good, so warm and soft. She had been very good. He wanted her again, and he literally felt sick with himself because of it. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, but he could feel her pressed against him and could see her in his mind’s eye, small and naked, curled up and clinging to him, like a child. He thought he might throw up.

That’s when he remembered Spike was still bound and gagged in his bathroom. He cringed, hoping to God that the vampire hadn’t heard anything, knowing he probably had. He would rather stake him and lose their only link to the mysterious commandos than endure even one of his snide remarks. He decided he would stake Spike after Buffy left. Right now taking out his guilt and shame on the vampire felt like an excellent idea.

Giles flinched as Buffy gently nuzzled his neck, her soft breath tickling his ear.

“I love you” he heard her whisper, barely audibly.

“Get your clothes on,” he answered in a low monotone, “I’ll drive you home.”

***

Buffy paused outside her dorm room door to collect herself. She was not going to cry. She was going to go to bed, to the comfort of her pillow, and things would look better when she awoke. Or, if she was lucky, she wouldn’t wake up again at all.

She reached for the doorknob, and noticed she had blood on her knuckles from when she had hit him. She had meant to knock him out, to beat him senseless, but she hadn’t been able to muster the force to do so. Also, they had still been in his crappy little car, and there wasn’t exactly room in there for a proper wind up. He hadn’t even tried to block her punch. Then he just sat there, letting his nose bleed, expecting to be hit again, looking miserable, knowing he deserved it. Bastard. But she hadn’t hit him again. Instead she ran away.

She quickly wiped the blood off on her shirt. She didn’t want any part of him touching her.

Buffy opened the door slowly and slid inside the still dimmed room, being careful not to wake Willow. She had barely begun to creep towards her bed, however, when a sleepy voice came from Willow’s bed, “Hi Buffy.”

Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Oh! I thought you were asleep,” she said guiltily.

Willow sat up and flicked on her nightlight.

“I was waiting up,” she said, yawning. "Or trying to. What time is it?"

“You shouldn’t’ve waited.”

Willow merely shrugged, and gazed at Buffy with her observant eyes. Her friend seemed horribly fidgety. “How’d things go with Giles? Are you two okay?” she asked tentatively.

“Yeah,” Buffy tried to lie lightly, but she quailed under her friend’s stare. “I guess… I-I dunno,” she lowered her head.

“What happened?” Willow asked gently.

Buffy sat down on the edge of her own bed, facing Willow, but couldn’t bring herself to meet her friend’s painfully sensitive gaze. “W-we… we kind of fought,” she choked out. “He wants to leave.”

“What?” Willow sat straight up in bed, dismayed. “No, no… he’s-he’s just saying that. He’s being all British and-and repressed, thinking he has to not feel anything. But Giles would never leave you, Buffy, you’re everything to him.”

For a moment, Buffy seemed to agree with her, nodding, her mouth stretched in a thin, tight smile. Then her face crumpled and she broke down into tears.

Willow scrambled out of bed and to her friend’s side. “Oh… oh no. Don’t cry, Buffy,” she said soothingly, putting a comforting arm around her friend, “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

Buffy shook her head and continued to cry, “I messed up, Willow. I really messed us up. Giles a-and me, w-we… we –” She couldn’t finish.

“You what?” Willow searched her friend’s face for an answer, but Buffy couldn’t bring herself to look at her. Then Willow understood. “Oh! Oh… you didn’t… you did?”

Buffy nodded once.

Willow’s eyes grew even wider than they already were. “Oh… oh, golly… Was it… bad?” she asked, searching for a reason for Buffy’s distress.

To her surprise, Buffy laughed, but joylessly. “No. It was great. Birds-singing, bells-ringing wonderful. But oh, God,” she was crying again, “it’s so wrong. Everything is so wrong.”

“You think it’s wrong?” Willow was confused.

“He says it was a mistake,” Buffy choked out.

“What?” Willow couldn’t believe it. That Giles of all people could be so mean. “That’s baloney! His words were, and I quote, ‘God, yes!’ And he’s blaming you?”

“No. No he’s not.” Buffy shook her head adamantly. “He says it’s his fault; he says can’t be-be near me and not want to…”

“That’s why he’s leaving?”

Buffy nodded.

“But… why? I mean, if-if you want to too?”

Buffy almost laughed again. Since when had what she wanted mattered? “Because he was my Watcher and teacher, and he’s too old…”

“But that’s stupid!” Willow refused to accept it. In a world with vampires and werewolves, where gruesome death lurked in every shadow, what did any of those things really matter when love was involved? “He’s just being an idiot. Just because he’s Giles doesn’t mean he’s always right!”

“But he is,” Buffy said in a defeated tone. “think Will, what kind of couple would we be? Where would we go on dates? To the Bronze? Out for drinks? Home for dinner with my mom? Oh, God…” Buffy broke down again, and she fell, weeping into her friend’s lap.

Willow could only look upon her helplessly as she shook with sobs. When she spoke, it was with a tone of desperation, “But… you love each other.”

“No, I hate him,” Buffy sobbed. “God, I hate him…”



The End


***


Author's Note: Now, when I say "it's been fun," like I do at the top of this post, you must remember that I am sadistic and take evil glee in causing characters I love pain and heartbreak. 
Actually, I did think of giving this a happy ending, but I just couldn't work one out. 
There may very well be a follow-up fic...